What a game! I kind of inexplicably blacked out 12 minutes into the game and gained consciousness a few moments later to watch the rest of the entertaining wrestling match/basketball game trying to piece together what happened like in the movie Memento. You, fellow readers, get the pleasure of going with me on this journey to find the truth.

The first truth we find is that De’Aaron Fox and Dylan Harper led the team with 24 points apiece, and both guards’ hands were busy with 3 steals each to match the aggressive defense played on both sides. Fox justified his previous “Clutch Player of the Year” award by making timely plays down the stretch for the good guys while Harper justified being the number two overall pick by making professional play after professional play.

Take a good look at this highlight below because it’ll be the last time you’ll get to see these! For this game at least, let’s keep our fingers crossed.

If you’re a fan of Arrested Development, you’ll get this reference. If you’re not a fan of Arrested Development, I don’t know what to say—I can only bring so much culture into your life. Victor Wembanyama’s plus/minus was -1 tonight in 12 minutes of play on the floor. He managed 4 points, 4 rebounds, and one assist in those 12 minutes.

What gives? It’s like he really is an alien and the mother ship suddenly came down and plucked him from the court while blasting disco music like Gonzo’s alien family did in Muppets from Space. Even the official San Antonio Spurs Twitter account is missing a whole chunk of highlights of the first quarter after this assist from De’Aaron Fox to Wembanyama. The mystery thickens!

Other than this highlight of Dylan Harper with the beautiful subtle ball fake and step through, there’s no other highlight (evidence) of the entire 1st quarter, whether of Wembanyama or anything Spursy. I had the game on mute so I could only assume that after Wembanyama’s sudden disappearance the Spurs were also shocked but tried to keep it close—closing out the mystery quarter down 4 to the Timberwolves.

I scanned the sidelines and even peaked into the raucous crowd but could not find a trace of the man in the jersey stitched with the number “1.” I asked my two colleagues in the living room with me if they had seen the 7-foot Frenchman that abruptly vanished from our television screen earlier. I was only met with “Huh? Why are you talking to me in a weird Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes British accent?” and “Can I go to bed *after* I finish watching Finding Nemo”? (Note: Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and anyone who’s a mom to someone!)

That being said, Carter Bryant surely made his mother proud with this easy dunk off the pretty ball movement from Harper to Julian Champagnie, who found Bryant open under the basket.

Somewhat similar to Game 2 against the Portland Trail Blazers when the boys unexpectedly lost Wembanyama early in the game, it seemed to take the air out of their sails. For this game, they seemed just a bit better equipped to deal with the cards dealt. Luke Kornet, for one, stepped up and played 26 solid minutes of clean the glass, put all the put backs back, and blocked or altered all the shots.

I think Stephon Castle felt what I felt: shock, confusion, a bit of anger, and hunger for some birria tacos. And who could blame him? A rowdy game will bring that out of you. So much that he even dunked on his own teammate!

Amid the circus, it’s worth pointing out the crisp and purposeful ball movement of these Spurs. Here, Devin Vassell makes a crazy circus shot of his own, but the play was set up by ping-ponging passes initiated by Castle and fed through Champagnie.

What a flip into the bucket by Harper. It’s like his limbs move independently of his body.

OK as we got toward the end of this game, I have considered all the available evidence to me (i.e., self-imposed Twitter blackout, live broadcast on mute, ignoring family (only briefly! It was *still* Mother’s Day), pretending to read group chats and only replying with 👽 emojis), and the only conclusion I could come up with is that Victor Wembanyama got thrown out of the game for laughing. It happened to Tim Duncan so why couldn’t history repeat itself?

In all seriousness, losing Wembanyama to a flying elbow (to be clear, an elbow that he himself threw with those pterodactyl wings he calls arms) was a huge blow to the team and this game. It’s worth noting that our boy did spend last summer with Shaolin monks and Kevin friggin’ Garnett. The “there are two wolves” inside of us narrative could not be more true in this case where it seems like nirvana and Kevin friggin’ Garnett (a Timberwolf, no less) were constantly at odds with each other.

It’s like Frank Costanza stood alone and screamed “Serenity now!!” into the void while multiple Timberwolves clawed at him. Even Lloyd Braun couldn’t save the day, but the hopefully the good guys will have their fearless leader back in time for the next match.

If you missed the game because you were too busy writing sticky notes to yourself with reminders to buy milk, watch more games on mute, and to enjoy Game 5, here are the full-game highlights:

Next up, the Spurs head back to San Antonio for Game 5 against the Minnesota Timberwolves on Tuesday, May 12, 2026.